WHERE DID SUMMER GO? I don't know about you peeps but I am scunnered with the dismal weather. There's a pond outside my door. Thank goodness there's a slope otherwise I would be ankle deep in rainwater. The wee Molly Dolly sticks her nose out and backs back in rather than go for a pee. I don't know how she holds on. I was in Belfast to see 42nd Street which was amazing. I couldn't stop tapping my feet. We met some of the cast outside and believe me ... They are beautiful. The singing, dancing and costumes were amazing and those folks were doing another show in the evening. Talk about stamina. Trying to cross Great Victoria Street was a nightmare. It was pouring down and I wasn't wearing waterproof mascara. My feet were soaked wading through the flood running down the sides of the road. One could get drenched from head to toe by passing vehicles. Belfast is an odd place for pedestrians or drivers from the sticks for that matter. No quarter is given. Hand on heart, they would run you down or off the road. What's with that? I would like to think I am a considerate driver and I let peeps out into the flow of traffic. More often than not Belfast drivers would rather ram you than give ground. It's really odd and very sad. I am generalising of course. There has to be other considerate drivers out there. Irony of irony's. I came across an accident on the Kilraughts Road on my way home. Back to the ok corral. His Lordship and I left Brigid in the loving care of Frank et al at the Piano Bar in the Europa and went to retrieve my coat and mobile from Victoria's. I accidently left it there the last time I was on the rip and razzle. There are peeps crazy enough to want to contact me and my phone was hot to trot when I got it back from the lovely Patrick. He was good enough to look up Bs phone number for me before I got there. The Europa has music in the Lobby Bar on Friday and Saturday and it's very good indeed. I love dancing and after a couple of neurophene I can bogey wogey. I have to lay in bed for at least two days afterwards. When the drinks in the wits out and don't tell me you don't know what that is like. Irish peeps know how to PARTY. We're loved the world over and I have jokes that would make you pee your pants. So back to the ok corral again. T, B and M went to Brennans for a nibble. I had Lasagne that actually tasted very good unlike many places where it tastes like nothing. B had the chicken gougons and Timbo the gammon with cabbage and mash and gravy. Good hearty portions and so tasty my mouth is watering thinking about it. They do the most fabulous seafood chowder in Brennan's. Yum yum yum. I feel so sorry for the peeps who have been inundated. It would break my heart to have the homestead flooded. Do you think the scientific Geeks have got the global warming thing wrong? It is more like winter than summer here. I guess the BBQ isn't gonna see the light of day again this year. One of the girls in Trolans Supervalue was telling me that it was colder on the longest day (June 21) than it was in December. It seems to me that we are headed for another Ice Age rather than toasting our toes in sunshine. Root vegetables don't do well in saturated soil, especially spuds. The cost of commodities is soaring. How come we bailed out the banks without being asked and we are now paying record prices for food? Doubly ripped off! You can be sure that those doing it are laughing all the way to those banks. Shame on them. There are always leeches cashing in on misery. One last moan. I am sick of freaks throwing their litter out of cars. They have no respect for the planet or for the good peeps who are thoughtful enough to take it and bin it. And I note that other freaks are still blocking fuel pumps and going shopping and what about those able bodied freaks taking disabled spaces? Shame on you.

MAD MANDY ON RATHLIN

Yours truly madly has found her spiritual home. I can’t believe that I have lived on the doorstep all my life and only went to Rathlin Island recently. It’s so wonderful I want to up sticks and go live there. The Lord Belmont and I stayed at the Manor House licensed guesthouse for two nights.

On day one we were on our way out to explore and bird watch and the MM said let’s stop in the Auld Kitchen for a quickie. I blame Darren for what happened next. We had a snifter and the conversation was so good we had another, and another, and possibly another lol. There’s an auld saying, ones too many and twos not enough. Hic.

I don’t remember staggering to McCuaig’s but I recall being made very welcome there as well. We met Bert the Puffin Bus Man and Noel who turns his hand to anything. On our way back to the Manor the sea called to me and I stripped down to my bra and pants and went for a swim. It was a scary sight for everyone but it has to be legendary stuff. The water is so clean and clear; evident by the fact that seals have made a home there. Pity I got sand in my pants. Tim stepped back rather than get splashed. Named and shamed boyo. Good job I’m buoyant. Thanks for running a bath for me to stop the teeth shattering dude.

The Manor is an old house, not a 5* hotel, so do not expect Egyptian cotton sheets or en suite facilities. What it lacks in luxury it makes up for in hospitality and gastronomic delight. Willie is the most talented chef. He serves up food to die for. Tim and I shared homemade soup, goat’s cheese and beetroot salad, a lobster thermadore and baked salmon polished off with a chocolate pudding that we couldn’t finish because we were stuffed.

Tim had the fry up for breakfast and I had the Eggs Benedict with Davy’s free range duck egg. I’m not normally a breakfast person but it was so delicious I ate the lot.

After breakfast on Thursday we actually took the Puffin Bus driven by the brave and capable Patricia to the RSPB centre. The roads are narrow and winding. Well done Babe. I had the heebie geebies when we went down to the lighthouse viewing point as I have no head for heights but it was so amazing. Johnny had the telescopes set up for us and I was so moved to see the antics of the birds that I was close to blubbing. They mate for life.  Please support the RSPB peeps. When you sign up you get a welcome pack second to none and it’s a fantastic gift for children. It rained cats and dogs and we were soaked but had a great time anyway.

We had the “Tapas” in the bar in the evening and once again it was delicious. More than Tapas … a medley of delights. My mouth is watering at the thought of the food.  

The Rathlin Islanders are so friendly and laid back. And so are the lads and lasses who “blow in” for the season to work. They are all welcoming and can’t do enough for travellers. It’s like joining one big happy family. No pretentiousness ... Just home grown friendliness. 

We met some wonderful folk. I fell in love with the handsome and very tall Colorado. Gregg’s ancestor emigrated from Rathlin to the US of A and I know he would be proud that his great great grandson has done good and come back to visit. If only I weren’t married and were taller and younger I would have given that man a spin round the dance floor. Trevor and Johanna had the sense to bring a big brolly. The three of them did some walking and clearly have stamina because Rathlin has steep hills that I sure couldn’t climb but the views are fabulous and make the effort worth it.

So back to the Manor where we meet more lovely peeps. NIE were doing an upgrade and the electricity was off all day. Many locals came to have a meal. Mark lit the fire. I can still smell the wonderful aroma of turf.        Peter took pictures with an awesome camera and Sarah got the guitar out and played and sang. She is one of the famous Black family. It was grand stuff. GO VISIT

NHS in Crisis

MAD MANDY MOANS National Health Service With all the talk about doctors going on strike it's ironic that I had reason to go to Causeway Trust A&E on the evening of 30 May. I guess I'd hit the floor harder than I thought when I fainted during the bus tour the week before. Yours truly painfully can't sit or lay down in comfort, moan, moan. Normally I am a game old bird and soldier on regardless, but this is a new and prolonged period of pure agony. Anyway, the waiting room soon began to fill up with peeps in need. We started comparing injuries to pass the time. I diagnosed that Gary from Eurospar in Ballycastle could well lose his leg from the knee down and tutted and shook my head at Jades arm while mumbling, " That's not good, oh dear, I don't like the sound of that". The wee Eejit went for a "dander" from Dunloy to Ballycastle in the sun. She is the most beautiful strawberry blonde. Sympathy was in short supply for the wee honey. I thought I was bad to the bone Jade but that mammy is better and great craic. I bet she used to stick pins in you to wake you up in the morning lol. It's our coping mechanism ... Make light of things while inside you are really scared. If we didn't laugh we'd cry Babe. Chris was clearly in pain after having fallen off a ladder and Doctor Moan diagnosed a broken rib with the potential of fluid seeping into the lung. Ring me Chris so I can tell you a good joke to tickle that broken bone. There were sports injuries and all sorts being put in a holding pattern. I don't know why they didn't give me a stethoscope and let me loose. I've always wanted to hear the sound of the innards. Joking apart I hope you peeps are gonna be ok. I wish I'd had my camera so we could have taken pics and sent them to causeway for the hell of it. It would be great to have a timer in the background. I commented that you are more likely to die of old age waiting to be seen than from the injury you sustained. Now there's a thing to consider. It was very distressing for the parents with young children. There really is nothing of interest for the kids and they get tired and cranky and cry. Those parents are having a bad enough time coping without an inconsolable child to contend with. I believe I speak for everyone in the waiting area when I say we would have gladly given up our slot to let those kids go first. They eventually did take them. We practically whooped for joy when we were called to triage only to have our hopes of being seen anytime soon dashed. After four hours and a panic stricken husband calling from home I realised I was not going to be seen the right side of midnight and had no choice but go home. The nurse apologised and said there was only one doctor on duty. What happened to the time sensitive targets the government introduced? Call me a cynic. I suspect the trust are deliberately running down A&E so it can be closed for good. We, the people have to ask questions ... And soon. The Causeway Hospital has a large catchment area that swells in university term time and again in the summer holiday period. What guarantees are there that Antrim Area can cope? What about the Ambulance Service? Those peeps are the heart and soul of getting emergencies to hospital in timely fashion. The Paramedics are the front line troops who save lives on the scene ... As long as they have the means to do so. They are so under valued because after they safe a life they deliver us to hospital and have no more contact. I for one would love to meet my rescuers and thank them properly. After I was delivered to Antrim Area I got a real shock. The staff were run ragged. They were hindered by drug addicts and drunks and it was heartbreaking to see. When I was admitted I felt like a fraud because they had worse off to deal with. I can't praise the staff in Antrim enough. It's not fair the way those dedicated carers are being targeted while our tax is being used to bail out banks that are still awarding bonuses for screwing us. Speak up my dears. No point crying when it's too late.

SPOT THE IDIOT

<> SPOT THE IDIOT<>

Yours truly madly has done it yet again. A couple of friends had booked and paid for an Ulsterbus Tour and Dizzle Dazzle asked me to take Anne's place when she couldn't go. Wee Hee. (Sorry Anne, hope you feel better soon). Day 1 Sunday 20th May: Book into Days Hotel Belfast. First treat was a sightseeing tour of the City. Free time for the rest of the day. We had a delicious meal in the hotel. Brilliant service in a lovely bright dining room/restaurant. I thoroughly recommend it. Dizzy Dazzle and I were in room 110 and the view was so good for a city centre hotel that we kept the curtains open. I went out and got a Pizza at Little Italy which is down the side of The Crown. It's a hop and skip away. DD and I talked into the wee small hours while munching a Bella Bella washed down with vino. How we faced it after Dexter Burgers, chips and Baileys cheesecake is a mystery ... Burp! After the buffet breakfast we were off to stroke city on the most comfortable coach driven by the very entertaining Ed. Boys a dear can he handle that beast. Our Wall Guide, John McNulty, was waiting for us at the information centre. He is not only very knowledgeable but very entertaining as well. In other words great criac. Martin Crossan Tours costs £4 per person with free tea or coffee plus refills at the end. They are arguably the best tour company. The cafe does really hearty, reasonably priced homemade fare so it is a good pit stop. I can't believe I live on the doorstep and that's the first time a walked the walls and heard the history firsthand. After a quick look roon the shops we were off again to the Causeway via Portstewart and Bushmills. We all agree that there is no way they are gonna get that visitor centre ready on schedule. It looks awesome and will be more so when complete. Whenever that is. Off again around the Glens of Antrim. We could not have asked for a better day. The views throughout our trip; breathtaking. We don't know how well off we are to live in such a beautiful place in the world. It was a very hot day as you know. Numptynuts was wearing her Whooga, sheepkin lined swede boots as it was not that nice when I left home. I started feeling hot and bothered and we had run out of water. So when we stopped for a comfort break at Carnlough I hopped off and went to get some. Next thing I know I'm on the floor with an oxygen mask on and I'm wired up to an ECG machine. Whisked off to Antrim Area Hospital by really professional and caring Paramedics. Thanks Dougie and Co. A&E was a nightmare. There were stretchers coming in steady and the staff were run ragged ... Literally moving at speed from patient to patient. They have my admiration. I could not do it. Some "ill" freaks fought the staff and made a real nuisance of themselves. One dipstick had to be removed. A&E need bouncers it's that bad and that was a Monday evening. What must it be like on Friday/Saturday nights? Dizzy Dazzle took the p***s out of me and made me lol. She is bad to the bone. I eventually convinced her to go back to the hotel when I was told I was being admitted. DD thought a padded cell would be in order. It's all her fault. She took a tumble it Malta. It was bad and I feel sorry. Thing is ... She has been jinxing her girlfiends ever since the nut. Thanks for coming with me and staying with me and tormenting me and making laugh. Even if I had to hold my head. I got the best of attention and an MOT. Every cloud has a silver lining and my room mates Peggy and Edith and I made the best of being bedridden. Laughter in the face of adversity is what the Irish do best. Those two rascals put the cowgirl hats on (pee catchers)) and I took their pics. Peggy was all up for line dancing when she got a painkiller. Mad as a hatter. Where would we be with out each other to make little of trouble? I love you girls and I know we will keep in touch. The last day of the Ulsterbus Tour was a pick up at the hotel and a visit to the Titanic Exhibition. I was still in hospital. No probs. The funny thing ... There's always a funny side. I was in Antrim. My luggage was in Belfast with my car keys and my car was at Ballymoney Station. What a carry on.

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Give My Heed Peace (Sorry)

Oh dear! Yours truly madly did it again and went on the loose in the Big Smoke.

I started with a new hair colour called red passion. It made me feel reckless which is not a good thing. Freaky Mandy has a problem when it comes to train travel and I had to find a seat facing in the direction of travel and happened upon Kelly (aka Toronto) and her squeeze James. Really nice peeps. The kind and lovely Paul gave us a pencil so Toronto could write out a Canadian cocktail recipe called Caesar for me. You are a great guy Paul. Thanks mate. Hope we meet again. I then shredded pieces of the B&MTimes to give them my phone number and email address. Just the little edges Lyle. I take the moan to Belfast with me to show off. No one's impressed by my drivel but they read it anyway. Go figure.

You peeps can already tell where this trip is going if cocktail recipe's were being exchanged on the train.

I knew right away that the young man beside me would know stuff like the train times. I was right on the button. Chris had a timetable and was able to give info to J & K so they wouldn't get stranded. I've missed a few trains in my time and even got off at the wrong station.

Although Chris was on his way to Botanic to meet mates he elected to come with me instead. Brave or what?

We had lunch in the Lobby Bar of the Europa while we waited for his Lordship. Neither of us recommend it. The food was lukewarm and soon became cold so we didn't enjoy it at all. Anyone wanting good value and delicious hot food should go to Brennan's across the road for lunch. I love the seafood chowder ... It's famous. I also recommend The Crown. They do steak and stout pies with very high puff pastry toppers. The Europa does really nice food in the Piano Bar and the staff could not be more helpful and pleasant. I just love Veronika and Frank. The lovely Caroline has gone back to Sweden. I'm filling up again. I am a big blubber. I hate goodbye's. The Causerie breakfast caters for all tastes and his Lordship has hollow legs. I must introduce him to Libby in Molly's and run. He'll eat her oot o house and hame.

Chris and the Earl and I got "razzle dazzled". Then we got the hungers and went to the Red Panda Chinese restaurant across the road. We had different dishes and shared. Talk about yummy? My Singapore noodles were to die for and the lads and I cleared our plates. Washed down with Tiger beer and Pinot Grigio. Hic. Tim and I bade farewell to Chris as we had tickets for Give My Head Peace at the Grand Opera house. I fell asleep during the second half! Sorry theatre peeps. The Earl swears he would have nudged me if I'd snore but I wonder. It was all his fault anyway as he ordered wine for the interval.

So back to the Europa. Don't remember getting there or thinking Phillip was an alien. Sorry pet. Found ourselves in the Piano Bar and met this lovely lady called Brigid. We took to each other right away and share a penchant for the red hair. We will be friends for life. I thought the cast would be in the reserved area but it turned out to be a multi billionaire and his wife. Dear knows what I slabbered about. My Yankee Doodle Dandy relatives no don't. Sorry sorry sorry. Matthew the barkeep has probably barred me. Sorry Matt.

Best stay at home and stop drinking copious amounts of alcohol. At £7 a cocktail my pocket can't sustain it.

I'll be on the raz in the toon soon though. Lock your doors

TITANIC

Yours truly madly went to the Big Smoke to meet up with the Yankee Doodle cousin and the Earl. What a treat. We stayed at the Europa and as per usual it was my little piece of heaven on earth. The beds are the most comfortable I have ever slept in and it would be real hard to get up in the morning if not for the call of the buffet breakfast. There is no way I'm going near the scales as we decided to push the boat out. No pun intended. Deane's Seafood restaurant on Howard Street is a wee dander from the hotel. It was a gastronomic delight but there just isn't enough grub for the price. £29.50 for a bottle of Riesling one could buy for a fiver in the offy is a tad OTT. The staff were very attentive, charming and knowledgeable about all the wines and food on offer and made my evening.

We stopped off at the LinenHall Library on the way to take a bus tour of the city on Saturday. It's a really lovely place to carry out research and the leather bound tomes are beautiful to hold. No matter how much technology progresses there will always be a place in my heart for a book.

The Concierge recommended the Red Bus Tour but it had just left and we took the Allen one as it was about to set off. What a titanic disaster. We got off at the Queen's University/Botanic Gardens/Ulster Museum stop and established the pick up time. At first I was disappointed with the museum's ground floor but as we progressed upwards I realised what a fantastic place it is. Many exhibits are reproductions and are amazingly lifelike. The guys had to drag me out. We were 10 minutes early for the pick-up. After half an hour standing in a brisk breeze we called Allen Tours and were told it would be another 30 minutes before the bus arrived. We elected to go into The Parlour to thaw out and no sooner had we sat down than the bus went past at speed. We eventually flagged one down as we were walking back to the hotel. The tour was way behind schedule and they were going so fast that we had to hold onto the bars otherwise we would have been tossed off our seats. If you go to Belfast to see the sights take the Red Bus Tour. They validate your ticket for 48 hours so you can get back on if you missed something or want to revisit a stop.

We went to Tony Roma's on University Road for dinner. Sticky Yum Yum. The ribs are to die for. The menu is in the American style and very good indeed. The meat fell off the ribs and the baked potato and coleslaw were delicious sides. Frank packaged my leftover ribs to take out when I got tired eating. The Earl got a burger that looked like a skyscraper. It was the first time he hasn't been able to clear his plate.

To cut a long trip short we went to see the Titanic Exhibition and I blubbed the whole way round. It is very well done. I'm a tad uneasy about Belfast cashing in on the disaster that took the lives of 1517 people. Everywhere we went there was merchandise. I bought some things I thought were really nice, like a little Titanic Bell. It's a sad tale. So many good people perished and they proved to be very brave indeed. We should honour their sacrifice.

Great Weekend

MAD MANDY MOANS

Great Weekend

It started with a table quiz at the Royal British Legion on Friday night. I nearly died when the starter question was, " What is the first letter of the Russian alphabet?". That Hugh and Mark are bad to the bone and I love them. I put something down for a laugh and it turned out to be correct. Go figure!

Moi was Billy no Mates as I arrived late. No change there then. I will be late for my own demise TeeHee.

Anyway, it was great craic and I believe I acquitted myself well. Thanks to the help of Mad Mandy's Bar Flies who happened to be there at half time. Every time I got an answer from someone else I had to pay up to Martha. You are a sweetheart Babe. Some peeps kept coming up to the bar to look at my answers so my team had to go native and we still got thrashed. Don wouldn't let me touch the winners cup so I tried to abscond with it when he wasn't looking. Got caught.

All credit to the Branch for putting on a great fun night with prizes and delicious sandwiches. All in aid of the Poppy Appeal and the Welfare Fund. Ballymoney Legion do great work and they so need support. Cough up peeps when it's Poppy Appeal Week. Thank you in advance.

I have invented a new cocktail based on a Bloody Mary. It's called the Bloody Mandy and the Dude had to make them so I could have my five a day of celery, tomato juice, lemon juice and celery salt. Add Lea & Perrins Tomato & Worcester sauce and a vodka and goldslager. Lethal. Turns out is sparks my brain just before the legs go. I was firing on all cylinders for a while.

I had to come back on Saturday and the Dude produced one Michaela had left. Waste not want not I say and it went mental from then on.

The lads eventually let me into the inner sanctum aka the snooker room. They are very territorial about this abode. It is dim and in the olden days it would have been all smokey and film noir. Pity I am awful at snooker cause I canny reach. I've challenged them rascals to pool though. Small table.

Andy is in therapy. Dale is in therapy. Ken and Lee and Jason and yours truly madly went to the Golden Horse. I have never had such wonderful food. The buffet is unbelievable. My noodles were delicious and I didn't care that I was making a mess by sucking them up. The lads have great appetites. It's an eat all you want feast and they won't need fed again until next Saturday. I am so going back.

We then had a delicious fresh fruit dessert. I thoroughly recommend the Golden Horse. We are so lucky to have great eateries in our wee toon. Try them all and enjoy.

 

The night was soured by two brothers fighting outside the Bush Tavern. One took a terrible beating. There is no need for that carry on. The wee lad will probably be scared for life. Thankfully the police and ambulance service were on the ball in no time at all. Wise up freaky peeps.