ISABELLA VERONICA BACON (NEE O’NEILL)

12 May 1935 – 7 Feb 2012

My beautiful and loving mum passed away on 7 February. I don’t want to make anyone sad. Mum had Alzheimer's and had been in hospital suffering from a chest infection and bowel disorder. She was in bad nick and it is no kindness to wish to prolong life when there is no dignity or quality to it ... Only pain. I believe mum would be relieved to go suddenly at the end. She was ill for a long time. The world was a scary place for her. Alzheimer's is a terrible illness. Imagine not recognising people you know you should. Thinking strangers are in your room. Imagine being frightened all the time. Confused and disoriented. My worst nightmare ... And mums too. It's a blessing Isabella is at peace and her son and mum and dad and all the peeps that passed before her are in the cosmos waiting to greet her. I loved her very much. I lost mum a long time ago to Alzheimer's but it really isn't any easier to take. Part of me is thankful that her suffering is over. The child in me knows I can never run home to mammy when I stumble and fall.

Isabella had a hard life. She never complained though and it was very hard for her at the end.

Mum was a great seamstress. If she had lived in a different era or somewhere else where talents were valued by Couturiers she would have been making gowns for the rich and famous. Mum made our school pinafores. My sister wanted a tailed coat and mum made a pattern and produced the most spectacular garment. Peeps came from far and wide to get alterations done and clothes made. That was how she earned wee pennies to feed us kids. Mum never charged what her work was truly worth.

My abiding memory of mum as I was growing up is of her sitting sewing away. I believe it was her passion. She could have made a name for herself in London or Paris. Isabella was truly that good.

It was heart wrenching to watch this wonderful and caring person disappear into dementia. Alzheimer’s is such a cruel illness. In the olden days people with dementia were considered to be “doting” so it’s been around for a long time. I am deeply concerned that it is so prevalent nowadays. Dementia is on the rise and there has to be some reason for that.

Coping with it is a horror for both the sufferer and their family. When your loved one doesn’t recognise their own husband/wife and children it is a brutal blow. How do you care for someone when they see you as a stranger?

In the early stages when it seems a person is just a bit forgetful they are likely to leave a chip pan or another pot on the hob and forget about it. Mum couldn’t remember if she had eaten of not. Mostly it was not.

It’s really difficult to get help and residential care is in short supply and, unfortunately, not all are able to deal properly with dementia suffers. It’s a complicated illness because it presents in many different forms and behaviour changes. The husband’s prim and proper aunt, who had been Mary Poppins to Max Jaffa’s kids, went doolally and she would have been so affronted. We don’t let animals suffer the way we allow seriously ill people to. I’m not only talking about dementia. I know people who pleaded for release but they were deprived of that because it is illegal to relieve suffering. There is a point where even high doses of Morphine can’t stop the pain. I have made a living will so I am not kept alive when there is no hope of recovery.

This is a bit “out there”. I woke up to a strong smell and couldn’t figure out what it was or where it was coming from. Finally it clicked. Moth balls! I haven’t smelled them in over 30 years. Mums mums good room smelled of moth balls. I believe she came to tell me she came and got her daughter and all is well.