NEVER AGAIN ... UNTIL THE NEXT TIME

The Mad Mandy has arisen ... Just! Never again. You have no idea what it was like after we left the Crown. We missed the bloody train home and had to stay overnight. The husband is never going to let me live it down. Thought I'd send you the write-up, such as it is ... I've been writing backwards. Triple vision and all that jazz. Guess that is not a good sign. I hit the Jameison and then the Polish vodka. I fell out of bed a few times give or take a taxi or two. Black and blue. Think I am barred from the big smoke. One good thing is that Lord Belmont had a crap time at the Beerfest TeeHee. Told him he should have come to the Mela. It was a true pleasure to meet you guys and Paddy. I will be back and bring the long suffering husband with me. Claire Bear is fucked. No stamina! Anyway. Here is the Mad Mandy Moans. I will send a copy to the Crown for you when it is published. See you soon as I get out of traction. MAD MANDY MOANS Belfast Mela Oh my goodness what a treat. Claire Bear and I went to the Mela at Botanic Gardens on Sunday 28th August. It’s an annual cultural festival with music, dancing, fantastic food, and beautiful bling to buy. I got two pairs of shoes that are just drop dead gorgeous and a wall hanging that is too beautiful for words. Yours truly madly got a group of kids together and we got down and boogied. I am in so much pain today I can’t get out of bed. But it was worth it. CB and I decided to go and get the train home when it got really packed but as we had a bit of time to kill and mill about we ended up in the Crown (as you do). We had already eaten at the Mela but that didn’t stop our mouths watering as we saw pies with puff pastry tops the size of skyscrapers going to the snugs. The husband and I are so going to get the train to Great Victoria Street station and go to the Crown for a feed and come home on the next one. That is unless we meet up with those funny bone peeps who are hard to leave. The bar staff are so nice and very easy on the eye too. Wonderful! There was one thorn that really should be barred from Whacks Corner. It really isn’t on to be nasty to people for no reason and believe me he was very nasty indeed. It took me by surprise. He insulted Ulster Scots culture and I said live and let live. I won’t tell you what he said to me because it is too bad to repeat. He avoided eye contact and in my book that is a bad sign. Although it was just as well as I could have taken the bully down by head butting him and it would have been my pleasure. But when one is having a great day out, it isn’t worth it. Pratt’s are what they are … sad, bitter and twisted. Shame on you, you dipstick. You bring the Crown Bar’s reputation down and into disrepute. Thankfully we met truly lovely people from near and afar. The Canadian’s are just the loveliest people. Sorry I mistook the accent for Yankee Doodle. I so hope you come and stay with us next time you hit our wet, windy and cold but green shores. Hedley, Paddy and William practically did the Mail on Sunday crossword for me although Paddy got her fingers burned on it. Not her cup of tea or pint of fermented apple juice. Thank you Paddy Babe. You are one smart Gal and it was my pleasure to meet you and the lads. Listening to me slabbering in full tilt is not easy but you all did it with good humour. The lads love their motorbikes and we had the most fantastic time swapping stories about the famous road racers we knew, such as the late greats Joey and Robert Dunlop, Tom Herron, Mervyn Robinson and the guru of Motorcycle News, Norrie White. Many’s a time I had a bevy with him. The man was a gentle giant. Ewart Toms misses his great friend so much. We knew Steve Parish who I incidentally accidentally barred from the disco in The SeaSplash Hotel Portstewart back in the day. Sorry about that mate but I had just let in three Steve Parishes who obviously weren’t you. The real you got told to walk (or words to that effect). Do you remember going round Ballyreagh Golf Course with one club and beating everyone hands down? Now that’s what I call talent. Meanwhile back to the Crown. It was NOT a good idea to call in for one because one is too many and two’s not enough. We got Wang-nonged and missed all the trains home. I tried to book us into the Europa. As CB was bouncing off the pillars they said they were fully booked. She had already zigzagged across great Victoria Street and pulled me with her. To cut a long story short we ended up falling out of a taxi at the Premier Inn. It is fantastic value and they can’t do enough for you. I think we are barred though. My snoring is brutal and CB went bong bong down the corridor and barfed in my bag. Why would they not allow us back I wonder? Never again peeps. The burn is bad. The knees are hot enough to fry an egg on.